i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
