Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
