I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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