Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
