Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
