I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
