Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
third nipple confirmed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
