I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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