my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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