I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
