why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
