Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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