He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
