i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
