the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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