Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
