I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
