alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
