So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
