My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
