I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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