The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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