I wish I could teleport
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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