did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
