Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
