Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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