So drunk its hurt
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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