I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
