found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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