My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize