I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
