Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
