I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
