We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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