he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
