you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
