Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
