My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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