you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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