It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
