lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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