I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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