im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
