i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Sorry about my life...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
