i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
