Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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