so explain again why im purple
no
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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