kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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