i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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