Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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