is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
