they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
