i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
