I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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