ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Randomize
