Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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