when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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