Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
