I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
