I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize