i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
