I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
