my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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