where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
