True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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