so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
