so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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