you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
