i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
