Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want a musical about memes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
