you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
