i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
