No stitches, just platelets and will power
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
