my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
