Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
