My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
