And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
