Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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